At the Corner of Hope and Worry
Gushing is about to happen, so brace yourself:)
So, once again I find myself waiting in between books. My life is so different now, it seems. There was a time not so long ago that I would start a book directly after finishing one, so deep and wide was my reservoir of stories. Not so any more. Well, the reservoir is still deep and wide, but I don’t write just anything like I used to. Now, someone higher than me has a say, so I find myself waiting. But that’s not the point of this post.
Because I’m waiting, I thought I’d clean out my office closet. It’s been in desperate need for a while, and I’m not the idle type. I like to stay busy or I get bored and sleepy. And a bored and sleepy Michelle ends up being a grouchy Michelle, and no one likes that, so… I cleaned. It’s that or this.
Not. Pretty. :)
Anyway, I digress. So, I found a Books-A-Million bag in the bottom of one corner of my closet and I sat down on the couch to go through it. I don’t know why this weird conglomeration of things was inside it, but there were some real estate magnets, my college school ID, a beautiful card from my hubby, and a few other random things. Don’t ask me what the heck I was thinking. It’s anyone’s guess. But again, not the point. None of those stopped me in my tracks. Something DID, though. It stopped me in my tracks and nearly brought me to my knees in gratitude. Curious what it was? Let me show you and then I’ll explain it.
Looks kinda random and nonsensical, right?
Not. So.
Before I tell you the significance, let me get my glasses and give you a little history on M. Leighton, Author.
(I don’t really wear glasses, but I thought of Ben Stein, so here…)
*Bueller. Bueller*
Sorry. Squirrel:)
Okay, so when I began writing, my husband and I had agreed to give me 6 months to make a go of it. We hadn’t planned for a career change (where the income would be completely unpredictable from month to month, if there was any income at all), so we hadn’t saved much money. During that initial period, we rolled quarters to pay for gas and we sold some of my broken gold jewelry to buy groceries. Yeah, it had its tough moments. Worth it, but tough. During this tough time, however, my amazing husband didn’t complain one time. Not. Once. He didn’t even express a single worry. He just had faith. I might’ve been a little…rockier:) hehe
I guess one might say that I was at the corner of hope and worry.
Something I’ve done for years to address my concerns, however, was to write out scripture that pertained to what I was worried about and include some that would encourage me. I made this list (front and back) and would pour over these each day, sometimes more than once, reminding myself why I was making the change and remembering who I was trusting to make it happen. That’s what you see to the left of the captioned picture. What you see to the right is a thick stack of notes containing the names of all sorts of agents I queried in those early days. What I want to tell you about today, however, is what both of those rest upon. The New York Times for October 14, 2012.
You see, the first time I was blessed enough to have a book hit the NYT, it was on September 9, 2012 with The Wild Ones. It hit what they call the overflow list, and those don’t appear in the newspaper/printed edition of the list. My brother-in-law actually scoffed at the legitimacy of having hit the Times simply because my book wasn’t listed in the actual newspaper. He’s a turd, right? :D Well, fast forward a little over a month, and I had another release y’all may have heard of. It was called Down to You and I was informed that it hit the list at #8 for the week of October 14, 2012. At the time I didn’t realize the list was compiled a week before it showed up in the paper. Long story short, I bought this paper expecting to see it, but it was sadly devoid of any M. Leighton titles.
(I love Will Ferrell)
Anyway, I don’t know why I even saved this paper, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence (don’t believe in coincidences myself). I believe I saved it so I could see it now. Why? Because it means more to me NOW than it ever could have at the time. It was a newspaper. One that I thought contained my listing, but didn’t. Most people would’ve thrown it away. But I didn’t. Because there was a purpose for it almost five years later.
That one story headline–AT THE CORNER OF HOPE AND WORRY. That’s why I’m seeing it now.
That was how my journey began–in that gray place between hope and worry. I was full of hope that I might one day be able to write books for a living. My dreams were modest. I only asked that I make enough money to replace my nursing income. That was it. I just wanted to do a job I loved and be able to contribute to our welfare with the proceeds. I battled a bit of worry, though. I worried that it wouldn’t happen, I worried about our finances, about what it might be doing to my husband, etc. But it turned out that my hope was greater than my worry because I quit my job and pursued it wholeheartedly. And you know what? God took that one step of faith and He BLEW. IT. UP. In a million years, I never dreamed I’d be a NYT bestselling author several times over. I never dreamed I’d be traveling to book signings where real people would actually want to meet ME. Lil old nerdy, backward, chatty me.
But God knew.
It’s funny seeing this now of all times, because in a way I feel like I’m right back where I started–AT THE CORNER OF HOPE AND WORRY. I still worry about things, even though God has shown up in mighty ways before, but I also still hope. Boy, do I hope. And my hope IS stronger than my worry.
I guess I just want to say this: If you’re at the corner of hope and worry, CHOOSE HOPE.
We all worry. We are human. We’d have to be numb not to ever worry about anything. No matter how great things are, we still tend to worry because I think a future we can’t see makes us all a little teeny tiny bit nervous. But we also hope. And I hope that the HOPE far outweighs the worry. I hope we all look that fear in the face, smile, and then turn on our heel. Turn away from the fear and toward the hope. I believe that’s where a lot of our greatest triumphs begin–at the corner of hope and worry. Turn toward the hope. That’s what I try to do every single day, and God has never let me down:)
